11 weeks and counting

Back in May I was struggling with some nagging thoughts. Especially the thought of "should we have more kids?" or can I be selfish and be done with the 3 beauties I have. Let's just say that after Maren was born, I decided I was done having children. It was a rough experience to say the least. Anyway, Ben and I had talked about it and he kept telling me we needed to have one more baby. I kept having these thoughts of "No, I can't do this again." I wanted to be done with it all and move on. In the back of my mind I'm thinking well if we are supposed to, it better be soon because I'm not getting any younger and I don't want a huge gap between Maren and another child. I tried to fast and pray about it, but I didn't do very well. I didn't want to pray about it, because I was afraid of what the answer would be. I liked my own plan best. Well, I'm sure if you're still reading this, you know what I'm getting at. Heavenly Father has a different plan for me and my family. In August I found out that our fourth baby is due in April. Surprise! This wasn't planned and I think I'm still in shock. I'm happy and excited, but for some reason 4 kids just scares me. It's not that I can't handle 4, I've had up to 12 kids in my home all at the same time while babysitting. I feel like I just got back into a good routine. I have 2 older kids who are fairly independent, and a 2 year old who is also very independent in her own way, and we have a good routine/schedule. And now, I'm starting all over again with sleepless nights and bottles and newborn diapers and no schedule. Aaaaaaaah! I know I'll survive and things will work out, but I must say, I'm a little nervous. Hopefully once the nausea/all day morning sickness phase is over and I have some more energy, I won't feel so stressed. Until then, I'll keep drinking Sprite and taking Phenergan when I'm at my wits end. Wish me luck, only 28.5 weeks to go!